As I See It
by Xyverz
Summary: ON HIATUS, INCOMPLETE. First Person. For three years I've trained mentally, physically and magically. I've learned to lie, cheat, deceive and kill. What path does my life take when the past comes back to haunt me?
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter, that's JK Rowling's creation. 

**As I See It - Chapter 1**

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I don't know how long I'd been here. It seemed like hours, but it could have been days. Not that it mattered any more. I was trying to get drunk, but nothing seemed to work. I'd even contemplated hoofing it down to one of the dealers on Polk Street for a fix, but I'm sure that wouldn't even do it for me. I guess my attempt at self-induced destruction and escape just weren't working.

The bar was okay. The music was way too loud, the lights too bright, and the patrons too false. Everybody was spruced up, trying to pick up their next trick. Sure, they called it a date, but all they really wanted to do was get you home, fuck you, and shove you out the door. "Wham! Bam! Thank you Ma'am!" Well, almost. In this particular bar you could replace "Ma'am" with "Sam" and it'd be more accurate. It was the perfect place for me to hide, really. Not that I didn't enjoy the sights or anything. I just wasn't in the mood for sex tonight.

I feel a buzzing on my hip. Great, my mobile's ringing again. It'd better not be him. I unclip the blasted thing and take a look at the glowing readout. Yes, it's him. Dammit! Won't that fucker get it through his fucking skull that I'm NOT interested. 

I ponder the situation for a minute before deciding to answer. On the one hand, if I ignore the call, I can pretend I'm not at home. On the other hand, he'll just keep ringing me and ringing me until I finally pick up and start screaming. It's either that, or I'll just throw another $400 mobile phone into another cement wall as hard as I can. A waste of money, really.

I decide to answer. "What the fuck do you want, goddammit?"

"What the fuck do _I_ want?" he responded, "I'll tell you what the fuck I want. I want you on this goddamn job is what I want. Where the hell are you?"

"Fuck off. I've been telling you and your fucking goonies for the last month, I'm done. Don't fucking call again." 

I hang up and re holster the phone. I start to count the seconds....

Ten, nine, eight.... The current song ends and the lights go down. Oh shit, another fucking drag show again?

Seven, six, five.... The crowd hushes. A spot shines on the curtains. Yup. It's another fucking drag show. Why can't these men just enjoy being men? I'll never understand the attraction. I mean, if I want a woman, I'd date a woman. If I wanted a man, I'd date a man. I'm not into the cross-dressers or the transsexuals. No offense ladies, but I'd rather enjoy somebody who's not wearing a false face.

Four, three.... The music starts. It's a slow ballad. The queen on stage starts her song. Oh yes, I recognize this song - it's that one that Bette Midler sang in the movie The Rose. She was good with it. This queen must be lip-syncing. She sounds too much like Bette to be real. 

Two.... Nope, she's not lip-syncing. This is her voice. Damn, she's good! I start for the door. My phone's about to ring and I don't want to yell over the performance going on now.

One.

Buzzzzzzz.

God DAMN it!

I unholster the phone again. "Come on Pike, I mean it. I'm finished. I have no desire any more to put my life on the line for you and yours. Tell that boss of yours to find another 'go-guy' for this job. I'm done."

"No can do, Prongs," Pike replied. "My orders are specific. You _are_ working this gig. If I need to bring you in by force, then that's your problem."

I hear the squeal of a car taking off from the light. Fucking kids and their street rockets.

"And how do you expect to do that?" I'm getting impatient now. This phone is starting to feel like a nice projectile.

"Oh, it's easy," he replied, "and I didn't know you liked to hand out at fag bars. I should have had a piece of your ass before you became a liability."

Oh shit. I look around. The squealing of tires wasn't some punk kid. It was the van in front of me. I hang up on Pike and re holster my mobile. I don't feel like giving up my tricks just yet. I smile at the nice thug with the semi-automatic and step into the van willingly. It's better to go peacefully and still be able to work the gig than it is trying to type with broken arms, fingers, etcetera. You get the idea.

I look to the passenger seat in front. Pike's got a huge shit-eating grin on his face. "I knew you'd see it my way Prongs," he says. "And now I know where you got your handle. You _like_ dick, don't you. Call it a 'prong' I'm sure. Yeah, you're a real fag."

I glare at him. If only this guy know the truth.

"Too bad the boss likes your work. I'd have to fuck you up otherwise. I'm not really into fags."

"And you've sucked my dick enough to really _know_ I'm a fag, huh Pike?" I retort.

*POW!*

Ouch! Those Glocks hurt when you get cuffed upside the head. I laugh. "You have no clue, don't you?"

He smiles at me. "No, care to enlighten me Prongs?"

I shake my head, "Not today, thanks." I sit out the rest of the ride in silence. It's nice watching the buildings go by. I'm surprised though. Instead of heading south into the Hunters Point district, we're heading up Van Ness toward the Sunset. Nope, not stopping there. Looks like we're crossing the Gate and heading up to Marin. Beautiful country up there. If only there wasn't so much traffic, I'd probably get up this way more often.

"Where the hell are we going?"

"Boss got you a new gig up in Novato. Says you should be nice and happy with the setup up there. He's got all the newest versions of the equipment you requested last time." Pike looks at me with a wink. "He's even doing some new construction. Deeeeeeeep foundations for some big buildings. Deep enough that if you fuck us over or decide you don't want to work for us any more, we won't have to worry about you talking."

Aaaaah yes. A foundation burial. Lovely shit that is. That's where they drop you in wet cement and let you drown. If only they knew how much that weakened things, they wouldn't do it. Especially in this earthquake-prone area. I laugh.

"What's so fucking funny, wise guy?"

"Oh nothing," I reply, "just that foreign substances, when introduced into concrete, weaken it as it hardens. Plus, the preservation is very good."

He's looking at me like I'm crazy. Yeah, I probably am. I give him one of my best smirks to go with it. "You can certainly bury me in concrete, I don't give a flying fuck. No, really. I don't care. I'm not doing this gig. You can tell the boss to kiss my rosy red ass."

No, that didn't go over well. There's a sudden swerving, a screeching of tires, and a LOT of swearing.

Pike looks at me for a minute or two, the disbelief evident in his eyes.

"You're goddamn serious, aren't you?"

"Yup."

Pike gets out and opens the door. We're in an unincorporated area somewhere just south of Novato. I think there's an old closed-down military airbase around here somewhere. He opens the sliding door and pulls me out. The big lug steps out after.

"Well, Prongs, it looks like you, me, and Jose here get to go for a walk. Only you won't be returning to the car."

"Great! I've always wanted to end it in the forest. Leave my body to decompose for the lions and other animals out here. It's the best way to go." *smack!* Right hook, meet mister jaw. Oh yeah, that split my lip. I spit out the blood, making sure to hit Pike's new trainers.

"What, I don't get a kiss before dying, Pike?"

"Fuck you! Now march!"

I feel the semi-auto prod me in the back and start off into the trees. These guys /really/ don't get it, do they? If they knew my history, they *certainly* wouldn't be leading me into the woods. No, they'd be taking me to Ghirardelli Square and splattering my brains for the pigeons to feed on. They don't know my past.

Stupid fools.

I haven't been sitting idle since I left the castle I called home. No, I managed to find somebody to train under. I furthered my education. For three years straight I trained physically, mentally, and magically. I learned all I could from my mentor about the muggle appliances called computers. I learned about the internet. I learned more about magic in the first year with this guy than at seven years of school.

And I learned to kill.

Why else would I have left the wizarding wold six years ago? I guess I just didn't care any more. I left merry ol' England to worry about Voldemort and his merry band of Death Eaters only a day before my graduation. I was tired of being the saviour of the wizarding world. I didn't care any more what happened over there. I was tired of caring about anybody else.

Yes, fuck you, World. Harry Potter is only looking out after himself.

Fuck Dumbledore and his manipulating bunch of bastards. Fuck Voldemort and his god dammed batch of purity hounds.

After Sirius, it was Remus. Then Hagrid got himself buggered over. Then Ron and Hermione started seeing each other and had no time for me. I found myself alone, with more and more pressure every day. One day I woke up, made up my mind that I was leaving, and a funny thing happened.

I laughed. I actually fucking laughed! I was empowered! I no longer had to worry about what anybody else thought. I actually made a decision for myself and decided to stick with it. Screw 'em all, but I needed a fucking break. If things were still fucked up when I came back home, then I could deal with that later.

I left everything I had behind except my wand and my Gringotts key. No, don't ask how I ended up with that, I won't tell you. It's enough to know that those goblins keep to a strict code of confidentiality. One could walk into any of their branches around the world and make a withdrawal and those goblins wouldn't tell you a God damned thing about it. I gotta love 'em.

So money was no problem. I spent three years soaking up everything I could learn like a fucking sponge. My mentor was just fucking awesome. He taught me everything I could possibly dream of learning. He also taught me some cruel, hard lessons.

The first time I had to kill a man I cried. He kicked my ass for that. The solution for that? I had to do it again. Only this time I had to pick somebody at random and make it quick. I had to use my bare hands this time. No fancy muggle weapons, no pretty and colourful unforgivable curses. Just my hands. The first murder was in self defense. The second one was in cold blood. They both felt like shit. The lesson here was that life sucks sometimes. I learned very quickly that emotion has no business interfering in my life any more. Yeah, I know you're appalled, but I will tell you this - you know that random person I killed? Yeah, I found out later that it turned out to be Gregory Goyle. He'd gotten strung out on Heroin. That's why he looked like an average Joe instead of another big fucking lug. I snapped his neck like a toothpick and was gone before the body hit the ground. I read about that a month later. I went and pissed on his grave.

That was just before I came to the States. About that time too many Death Eaters started turning up on my doorstep. It was only a matter of time before the Ministry -- or worse, Albus fucking Dumbledore -- turned up as well.

After I got here, I started turning out some cracking gigs for a quick buck. I really didn't need the money. But shit - if my father knew what I was doing with his fortune, I'm sure he'd be spinning in his grave. Or wherever the fuck they buried or cremated him. That was another thing that bugged me. Dumbledore never told me where my parents were laid to rest. Fucking bastard.

So I developed a reputation for being good. It's not like I was taught by one of the best you know. Somewhere along the line I got tangled up with Pike and ended up in the San Francisco Bay Area. I watched that whole Dot Com Bubble bullshit thing pass over and go sour. But the jobs were good, the living was better, and the nightlife was the best.

And then it happened.

Then I started developing a fucking conscience.

I dealt with it fine for the last year and a half, but then I just couldn't take it any more. I stopped taking gigs and I stopped taking Pike's fucking calls. About a month ago, I beat the shit out of him. The problem was, I let him live. I figured if I kicked his ass hard enough, I'd never hear from him again.

And now look at me.

Now I'm being lead at gunpoint into some uninhabited stretch of forest, presumably to go meet my maker.

Fucking fools.

They think I'm unarmed.

Shit, one of the first things I learned to do under my mentor was to transfigure my wand into something inconspicuous. I wore a ring for the first two years I trained. The last year I spent slowly grafting that ring permanently to my finger. Now I've got this really wicked tattoo on my wedding finger. It freaks out wizards because they think I'm doing wandless magic. It freaks out the muggles because they think I'm sort of demon-possessed madman. Not a bad side-effect, if you ask me.

But there are better side-effects to having your magical focal point grafted onto you.

First, there's the benefit of added control. Sure it may take a wile getting used to making wand movements with your hand, but it's not that different. Once you get that down, you can make them so subtly that only the trained eyes can catch it. Hell, I think the only people out there today who could tell I was casting would be my mentor if he were still alive, and that bastard Dumbledore.

The second benefit is the fact that I don't really need to say the incantations aloud for most spells. The "wand" can hear me now just fine. Again, only the best trained wizards would ever know if I was casting. Still, some spells are just too damned much fun to cast without getting fancy.

Of course shouting the incantation out forcefully has the added benefit of being just that much more powerful. Unfortunately, if you get too wild, you're more apt to screw it up.

So now you know my background. These poor sods haven't got a clue. Silently I cast the imperius curse on Jose. He's still going through the motions of holding me at gunpoint, but I have a surprise for Pike when we stop. I can't wait to see the look on that fucker's face when he realizes he's gonna die. I'm looking forward to it!

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	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter, that's JK Rowling's creation. 

NOTE: Thanks to those of you who've reviewed so far. :) The more reviews I get, the faster I'm likely to update. Responses to the current reviews are at the end. Hope you like chapter 2. It's not as long as 1, but I'm working on it. :) Chapter 3 and 4 are almost finished. Hopefully I'll get 3 up soon.

**As I See It - Chapter 2**

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The woods are nice out here. It's not a bad day, really. For once it's not too cold up here in Marin County. Actually, it's usually rather warm about where we are during the summer, but many times in the autumn and winter the weather can get downright ugly here. Fog, rain, wind, and biting cold. Well, what you could call biting cold for the northern California region anyway. I hear it gets even colder out in the central valley area. I can't tell you for sure, I've never been there. When there's everything to do within a half hour of you here in the bay area, why would you want to leave?

The sounds of three pairs of feet crunching along in the underbrush, the faint passing of a big rig on the distant highway, and the occasional muttering from Pike are the only sounds that fill my ears. While this hike is invigorating, I'm not sure I really want to put this off for too much longer. I want Pike's death to be long and drawn out. No, I really do.

Oh god dammit. This newly-developed bloody conscience of mine is going to be the end of me, I swear to god. It's really pissing me off. I think I'm just gonna have to make Jose dispose of himself and then have my fun with the bastard in front of me. Ooooh yes, I will have my fun. And when I'm finished he'll know never to cross me again. I can feel the smile creeping uncontrollably across my face. This is going to be good.

Pike's voice snaps me out of my reverie, "Hey cocksucker, you think this is a good place to die?"

"No," I inform him, "We're still not far enough from the roadway. The screams will be heard from here. Maybe a bit further?"

He looks at me like I've grown another head. "What the fuck are you talking about. You won't have time to scream, I'm just going to shoot you in the head." He starts to raise his pistol. I decide it's time for a diversion.

"You might want to wait on that one a bit, Pike. Jose here has something he wants to say."

"What?" Pike looks past me at Jose. "What the fuck?"

The sound of a gunshot rings out through the forest, followed by the thump and clatter of a large man and his weapon hitting the ground. Thankfully the trees out here are evergreen. The needles and leaves will help to absorb the noise. I won't have to worry about the driver hearing and coming to investigate.

The look on Pike's face is great. He almost drops his gun in shock. His eyes are wide and he's doing a GREAT impression of a fish.

"_Imperio!_" His eyes glaze over and his features go slack. Yes, I want that gun. He hands it to me. I also want any other weapon he's carrying. I watch as he reaches into his boot and pulls out a cheap-ass looking 4" blade.

"Is that all you're packing, Pike?" He nods.

I remove the clip and empty the chamber of the gun before banishing it to some place about 50 feet away. Now it's time to release him from the curse. His eyes snap into focus and it takes him a moment to realize where he is. "What the fuck??"

I smile at him. "It's called the Imperius Curse, Pike," I tell him, "you can't fight it. I could cast that on you and make you take a jump into the Golden Gate from the bridge. But that would be pointless. I want you to suffer."

Pike bursts into action. I block the punches he throws at me with ease. He's sloppy. Every punch is telegraphed. I seriously doubt he's had any experience other than beating up restrained innocents. I make my move, stepping close to him, redirecting his latest punch and using his energy to bring him down. I make sure he goes down fast and hard. Screw the Aikido way, I want him to hurt. There's no protecting my opponent in this case.

I scurry about five feet away and watch him get back up. We repeat the dance. Again I take him down, but harder than before. He staggers back up to his knees. I launch a kick to the side of his head and watch him keel over. He's out cold.

"_Enervate!_" I watch his eyes snap open. He's groaning. His head must be hurting. I'm wearing steel-toed boots. He's got a nice angry red bruise forming on his left temple.

"Get up, you worthless piece of shit!" I growl.

Slowly he gets to his feet. He's swaying unsteadily. That's fine. He'll be writhing on the ground momentarily. "_Immobulous!_" Yes, I like this little Freezing Charm I learned way back when. I think I first heard Hermione use it. Stupid wretch. Both she and Ron left me to fend for myself when all they had was eyes for each other. It seems I've had a wonderful history of choosing friends who are unreliable or end up dead. I sigh.

"Don't worry Pike," I mutter, "you'll be completely aware of everything that's going on. No, I'm not possessed by the devil. As far as you know, I *AM* the devil!" I laugh maniacally, watching his eyes grow even wider. I bring my face inches from his, looking directly into those frightened blue eyes. "And better the devil you know than the one you don't," my breath whispered across his face.

"I should have killed you a month ago when I first kicked your ass. I thought I could make you see that I really have no desire to pull any more jobs for your boss. I don't know how you got mixed up in that guy in the first place, Pike. You used to be a good guy. Now you're just a fucking slave."

His eyes flash with anger. Yes, I'm touching a nerve here. I think I shall touch a few more. I decide it's time to release his head from the freezing charm. My hand twitches and I watch as he regains control of his head. His body is still nicely frozen in state -- looking like he's about to topple over. Fortunately for him, the spell prevents that. I could have frozen him in mid-fall and he'd stay that way. I've done that before; managed to catch my mentor just as I tripped him. It was rather funny. I laughed about that until he kicked my ass for it later on that night. Yeah, I hurt afterwards, but it was beautiful. The photo I got was even better!

"Let me explain the predicament you're in right now, Pike. You're currently frozen in place. I've allowed your head free movement because I feel like having a little verbal interaction. But you will not speak unless I give you permission to speak. When I believe you've got a firm understanding of my rules, I will release you completely."

"FUCK YOU!" Pike interrupts.

"_Crucio!_"

Pike's screams are music to my ears. I release the curse almost immediately. Muggles don't take too kindly to this curse. They have a MUCH lower resistance than ordinary Wizards. I release the freezing charm completely and watch as he collapses to the ground. He's twitching. You can sometimes learn a lot about a man by the way he twitches.

Sometimes.

Pike on the other hand is a weak bastard. His writhing is purely nervous reaction. He's not even fighting it. Maybe he realizes he deserves it? I watch as the convulsions stop. His breathing is ragged, and I'm sure his pulse is racing.

"Get up!" I bark.

He slowly gets back to his feet.

"The Cruciatus curse is one of what wizards call the Unforgivables Curses, Pike." His eyes grow wide and his mouth falls open. "Yes, Pike, I am a wizard."

He gapes at me some more and starts mumbling nonsense.

"No, you heard me correctly, Pike. Yes, there is such a thing as Magic. No, it's not something just anybody can learn. And no, I'm not the only wizard you've ever met. Generally though, most of us can't stand to live in your world. I, however, am on an extended vacation from the wizarding world."

Oh, the contortions his face is making as he's trying to comprehend everything I'm telling him! Music to my eyes!

"You see, Pike, I meant what I said when I told you I'm done. I'm through doing these annoying jobs for your pathetic boss. I want you to learn a lesson here today." He lunges for me again, but I'm quicker. "_Crucio!_" He falls to the ground screaming again. This time I wait a few moments before releasing the curse. He's gonna be twitching for quite some time now.

"You really need to stop trying that shit, Pike. It's just gonna hurt you more than necessary. And believe me, this hurts you a *LOT* more than it hurts me." I feel my heart steel over again. The conscience I'd been developing has decided that it needs no interaction here. I smile.

"Trust me, Pike, I'm being lenient on you. There are worse wizards out there than I. Most wizards who aren't afraid to use the unforgivables would be holding you under the Cruciatus curse for MUCH longer than I did."

I watch as he slowly stops twitching again. His breathing is still ragged, but much better. I step closer to him and watch as he curls up into a fetal ball. "No more!" he screams, "Please stop! I'll do anything you want, just make this pain go away!"

He starts to sob uncontrollably. I force him onto his back and grab his neck just under the jaw, forcing him to look at me.

"There are three unforgivable curses, Pike. You've felt the Cruciatus. You've seen and experienced the Imperius." His eyes show a mix of fear and uncertainty. More fear than uncertainty.

I smile before continuing, "Yes, Jose was under the Imperius curse. The Imperius curse gives the caster complete control of another living being, whether it be human or animal. I made him turn that semi-auto on himself. He was another worthless piece of crap anyway. I really didn't need to kill him, but he was a threat. I don't like threats, Pike."

I let this information sink into him as I stand back up.

"There's one more unforgivable curse, Pike. You've heard the muggle bungling of the phrase before. It's called Avada Kedavara. It's the deadliest curse known to man, also called the killing curse. There has only ever been one person to survive the killing curse and you're looking at him. What does this tell you?"

His voice cracks as he replies, "That you're some kind of freak?"

"_Crucio!_" I'm really getting tired of this guy. I leave him under for a full ten seconds before releasing him. He screams himself hoarse. I can tell his vocal cords are only one more curse away from shredding themselves. If I have to do this any further, he's going to be completely useless and I might as well kill him completely.

I hear a voice coming from a distance behind me, "What the fuck is going on here?"

I turn around to see the driver approach, pistol in hand.

"_Avada Kedavara!_"

The driver falls dead in a flash of green light.

I turn back to Pike and drop to one knee, closer to his head. He's curled up into a fetal ball again.

"I really didn't want to do that. But now you've seen the results of the third unforgivable. When the coroner finds him, they'll be able to find no reason for his death. None at all. To them, it'll look like he just died for the hell of it. Now listen to me and listen good, Pike. I'm only going to say this once. You will stop pursuing me. If I ever see you again, I will kill you. You know that I am perfectly capable of it. In fact, I will personally see that your head gets mailed back to your mum in a nice little gift box. Do you understand me?"

"Yes!" he sobs.

"Good," I reply, "there is only one more thing I need to do before I leave you here."

He looks at me in fear, his eyes wide with terror.

"No, I'm not going to disfigure you or anything. I'm DEFINITELY not going to rape you. You're not my type. I'm not into snivelling bastards. I'm just going to modify your memory a bit. _Obliviate!_"

His eyes glaze over. I've cast the spell strongly enough that he will remember none of my being a wizard, thus protecting the ever-sacred Statute of Secrecy. "You will eventually make it back to your boss and you will tell him that I am no longer available. You will tell him that anybody he sends after me will not return to him alive. He will receive their head in a box. Probably in pieces. If you come after me your parents will receive your head in a gift box. Any searches you do online to locate me will come back empty. My servers will have eaten themselves by now. Any of my equipment you find will yield no information at all, their disks unusable. As of this moment, Prongs has retired. Go to sleep, Pike. When you wake up, follow the sunset and you will eventually reach the highway."

I wave my wand hand and cast a mild sleeping charm on him. Now it's time to apparate out of here.

----

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	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter, that's JK Rowling's creation. 

NOTE: Thanks to everyone who reviewed! :) The more reviews I get, the faster I'm likely to update. Responses to the current reviews are at the end.

I hope you like chapter 3. It's a bit shorter than the last chapter. I wasn't satisfied with what I'd written, so I scrapped what I had - TWICE - and restarted. In the end I just made changes to what I'd had originally and here it is. Chapter 4 is forthcoming. Hopefully I'll have it up sooner. :)

**As I See It - Chapter 3**

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Apparating's not my most favorite method of travel, even if it is one of the more efficient. I mean, it's not wasteful like most muggle forms of transportation, and it's friendly to the environment. It's still disconcerting. I never bothered to get my license, My mentor taught me **very** well. He caused me to splinch myself once and that was a lesson I'll never forget. Haven't done it since. Yeah, I almost died from the shock. It wasn't pretty. I guess that's another reason I choose not to apparate too much these days. There's only one place I feel comfortable apparating, and that's from my apartment to my home.

Why do I have two places of residence? It's easy to explain. For the last several years I've been making my living by breaking the law. I have my apartment which is a front to lead anybody to if they're looking for me. It's registered under one of my many names: Adam Remus. I haven't used my real name since I left school. It's one of those paranoid safety things, you know? It's also a great way to keep pursuers off of my tail. My real home is miles away from here.

I've set up my walk-in closet as the apparation point in my loft, complete with silencing charms. It keeps the neighbors from hearing the crack and rush of air that comes with apparating. I can still remember the time at the Dursleys in the summer before Sirius died when Dung Fletcher apparated while I was lying in Petunia's flowerbed. I had a good bruise on me for days after that. You couldn't see it, but I certainly _felt_ it!

I'll miss the Dursleys. It's a shame, really. I was so glad to leave school and never return to their place. It came as a shock to me when I found out they'd been tortured and murdered by Voldemort himself. I tried to kill my mentor afterward for not telling me as soon as he found out. He woke me up the next morning with a copy of the Daily Prophet showing the Dark Mark in the sky above the remnants of number 4 Privet Drive. The house was in ashes, their bodies had been burned on stakes in the front yard. It was a clear message to me that Voldemort wasn't taking his new-found 'freedom-from-Harry' lightly. I tried for four days straight to kill my mentor. The workout was well worth it, even if I never did lay a scratch on him. It helped me harden my heart just that much more.

My train of thought was derailed by the sound of the door chime. Taking a quick glance out of the loft's view windows I head to the camera screen. Yes, another selling point for this loft was the security cameras located at the doors for each apartment.

The man standing at my door is not somebody I immediately recognize. He's tall and thin, has short hair, and is fairly decently dressed. For some reason I get the feeling he's not a muggle. I hit the voice toggle, "May I help you sir?"

An annoyed-sounding English accent responds, "Delivery from Hogwarts."

My blood runs cold as I release the toggle. Quietly I deactivate the locks and draw a dagger from my hip sheath. In one swift motion I open the door, grab the intruder by the throat and pull him inside. I shove the man up against the wall and hold my dagger up to his jugular, barely piercing the skin.

"Who are you" I hiss, my voice like ice, "how did you find me and what the fuck do you want?! You'd better be convincing or I'll dump your body in the bay!"

The stranger looks at me with calm blue eyes. His black hair has been cropped fairly short, and his dark mustache looks like that of a teenager finally reaching puberty. His eyes have dark circles under them as if he hasn't had any sleep in days. But he's clean enough. He's obviously attempting to maintain some sort of professional appearance.

The sneer crawling up his face is familiar. I keep my well-practiced mask in place as the recognition hits me. Before he has a chance to answer I remove my dagger from his throat and throw him into the living room. He ungracefully trips over the rug and falls into the couch

"You'd better have a **goddamn** good reason for tracking me down Draco Malfoy!"

"Aaah, you DO remember me, Potter," he replies, "I'm honored." He slowly stands up, regaining his aristocratic swagger.

I wave my hand slightly and cast a revealing spell. There's a brilliant flash of blue light, but nothing happens. "A muggle disguise, Malfoy?" I asked.

He moves to the nearest seat and gently sits down. "Things are bad, Potter," he sighs, "I'm on the run. Both my father and the Dark Lord are searching for me."

He turns his head to look at me. His eyes are full of fear and hope. I'm not quite sure what to believe.

"Did you come alone?" He nods. "Does anybody know that you're here?"

He sighs in resignation, "No."

"Are you **absolutely** certain of that?" I bark. He flinches at the tone of my voice. Something is wrong here. A Malfoy never flinches.

Again, he sighs. "Yes."

I'm still wary of this man who gave me seven years of hell. "I'm sorry, I don't believe you."

His expression turns to one of fear. "Do you have any veritaserum?" he asks.

He's serious.

I reach into my jacket and pull out a small black and silver box. It looks like a fancy cigarette tin, but I've enchanted it to hold any of the various potions I'd ever need. I've enchanted it so the potions stored within will never spoil. I pull out a small vial of a clear potion and conjure up a glass of water. Dropping three drops into the glass, I hand it to Malfoy. "Drink," I order.

He takes the glass from me and drinks it completely. I sit down in the chair across the coffee table from him and watch over the next several minutes as his posture relaxes and his eyes glaze over. It's time to ask the questions.

"What is your name?"

"Draco Lucius Malfoy"

"What is my name?"

"Harry James Potter."

"What school did you go to and what year did I graduate?"

"I went to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and you disappeared before graduation. They graduated you eventually, but you've never received your diploma."

Yes, those answers seem to be pretty right-on, but this is general information. Time for some harder questions.

"Have you ever been transfigured?"

"Yes."

"Who transfigured you, what did they transfigure you into, and why?"

"Professor Moody transfigured me into a Ferret because I was about to curse you from behind," he replied, a scowl forming on his face as he stared at me. He continued, "Lucius transfigured me into a goat because he wanted something other than my mother or any of his whores to have sex with, and he transfigured me into a tree because I refused one of his orders."

I tried to keep my face expressionless, but I was shocked. His father turned him into a GOAT just to have sex with him? That's horrible. But the worst part was his being transfigured into a tree. One does not transfigure a living animal into an inanimate object. The pain and horror that goes through a man who's been through that transformation is unbelievable, and the scars run deep.

I sigh before asking the final questions.

"Why are you here?"

"I'm on the run from the Dark Lord and his second-in-command, my father. The resistance wants nothing to do with me, and I had nowhere else to go. It had been rumored that you disappeared to America, but when they found your body, they buried you at Hogwarts."

This is getting interesting. "Why are you on the run?"

He frowns as he answers this question, his eyes show a deep sadness I would never expect from a Malfoy. "I got tired of all the torture and killings. I found myself starting to refuse my father's orders. I just couldn't do it anymore. After being tortured by my father at the Dark Lord's request I'd had enough. Before I had fully recovered from the last torture session I made my escape. I thought Dumbledore would be able to help me, but he refused. He gave me a short head start before calling the Aurors on me. I barely made it out of the country."

"How did you locate me?"

"The Dark Lord has his inner circle raising money through muggle and magical corporations and other not-so-legal businesses. One of these is a muggle firm that specializes in corporate espionage. Being the Malfoy heir I had access to everything in that business - I was one of their main the hit men after all. I found a trail of familiar names in the books over the last two years. Joe Weasel Engineering, Sev Smith Consulting, Black Gryffin Network Security, and most recently, Adam Remus Enterprises. Weasel, Remus, Sev, Black, and Gryffin were too familiar. Fortunately for you I had the idea who was behind all this, even if he _was_ supposed to be dead. After I got here to the States, I came across a business called Prongs Systems Engineering & Design. You had your business address listed."

Shit! This is not good. I've fucked up. In trying to turn legitimate, I got sloppy.

"Were you followed?"

"Not to my knowledge." I saw his posture start to tense up. The veritaserum was wearing off. His eyes were still glazed over, but not nearly as much.

"One last question, Malfoy. Why me?"

"Put simply, Potter, you don't exist. You and I were arch rivals in school, nobody would expect it. I was hoping that I could get lost with you."

He shook his head and looked at me again. His eyes were in perfect focus. "You never asked _how_ I got here."

At that moment, my door chime rang again. Looking over at the view screen I could see three figures in trench coats. One had an Uzi slightly hidden, another was openly holding two pistols, and the other was working on the locks. I cast a locking charm on the deadbolts and stood up. I whispered to Malfoy, "I believe your story, for now. I will ask you more about that later. Follow me, NOW!" I put a finger to my lips to indicate silence.

I lead him up the stairs and into the closet. I quickly cast a silencing charm on the closet, grabbed Malfoy's hand and prepared to apparate to my house. Before we winked out, I pushed the self-destruct button. My EMP was charged and ready. In 25 seconds every computer in a 50-yard radius would be rendered useless, their data destroyed. I hope my neighbors are the kinds of folks who keep off-site backups.

----

Review Responses:  
**Garner**: Thanks! I hope to develop on said backbone. Of course, that's not the only thing Harry develops in this story. ;)  
**ChennaiChica**: Of course not. He's just retired that alias. Harry got tired of being a goody two-shoes long ago. I will reveal more about this later.  
**Lady Mandara Snake**: Thanks. I like him that way, too. ;}  
Also, thanks to Mikito, BlackDiva, and rikua for their reviews, too. :)  
  



	4. Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter, that's JK Rowling's creation. 

NOTE: Thanks to everyone who reviewed! :) Responses to the current reviews are at the end.

Well, here's chapter 4. Hope y'all enjoy it. It's a bit longer than than the previous chapters, but I think it's just as good... Or at least I hope y'all think so. ;)

**As I See It - Chapter 4**

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I knew there was going to be a problem as soon as we winked out of the loft. I could feel it as soon as we started to appear at the house. Something about Draco wasn't agreeing with my wards. The only reason he wasn't bounced back to the loft was because of my strong grip. I wasn't letting go that easily.

But when we appeared I was not ready for what I saw. Draco was glowing blue.

A tracking spell.

Goddammit!

Within a half-second of appearing at home, we were back in the closet at the loft. All these years of being a free individual and I end up back in the fucking closet. It just figures, and with Malfoy, no less. What rotten luck.

Draco collapsed on the floor, moaning. I'm not surprised. He's just experienced a combined punishment equal to the Cruciatus and the blood-boiling curse. Even though it was for less than a second, it will take him several minutes to recover. He was lucky. I set the wards to kill. Another two seconds and he would have been dead.

Knowing that time was of the essence, I hit the release toggle on the self-destruct. This gives me an additional 30 seconds to cancel the EMP. The panel fell away, revealing both a handprint reader plate and a keypad. I put my left hand on the reader and quickly start entering in the 68-character code. Heaven forbid anybody should get their hands on it, it's just a simple Fibonacci pattern, but I've spent a while committing it to memory just for things such as this. Granted, it still takes me about 30 seconds to enter it in. If I make a mistake, the EMP will do some ugly damage to all my toys here.

With less than 15 seconds to go my authorization code was accepted and I followed up with the chorded confirmation code. After all, you can only get so far with ten digits and two symbols. At two seconds to EMP, the 'Armed' LEDs go out and the system is disabled. I let out a slow sigh.

Draco appears to be recovering faster than I'd like. A swift kick to the head ensures that he'll stay under for a bit longer. It should give me enough time to take care of my unwanted guests and question the survivor. Or survivors. I feel my training kick in as my body goes into hyper-alert mode. I am at my most dangerous right now; calm, collected, and on guard. If they don't fire at me, they won't die.

I swiftly make my way to the living area and release the locking charms. Not a moment later, the three would-be assassins came tumbling through and stumbled to a stop. They obviously weren't expecting me to be unaffected by their sudden appearance. That was all the time I needed.

A quick punch to the face drops the guy with the Uzi to the ground unconscious. A leg sweep and the lock picker lands on his ass. Grunt number three starts to train his pistols on me. A quick step in and another well directed hit to the face levels him. Yep, he's out for the count. Mister Lock-Pick just stares at me. Apparently, they weren't expecting somebody trained.

I close the front door with a slight wave of my hand. I silently cast stupefy on the hired guns and turn my gaze on the frightened third wheel. He's starting to shake visibly. I feel the corners of my mouth curl into a slight smile as I reach down to pick him up. Then the smell of ammonia hits me. I arch my eyebrow.

"Pissing yourself ain't gonna help you, bucko," I comment. He just whimpers.

"No need to be afraid. You didn't have a gun. Answer my questions and I'll let you go. Your friends here aren't going to be so lucky. Depending on your answers, they might still retain all their body parts when your boss sees them again." I direct the shaking man to one of my chairs.

"Sit."

He does.

"Who sent you?"

He just whimpers and mumbles incoherently. This won't do. No, this won't do at all. I give him a brisk slap across the face and ask again, "No mumbling. Who sent you?"

"I-I-I don't know," he whimpers.

"You're lying and I'll give you one more chance before I have to resort to more," I pause here and let a sneer through. His eyes widen as I continue, "enjoyable... methods."

"N-n-no! NO! P-P-Please! I'll talk, I'll talk!" he sobs. Sighing heavily, he continues, "I don't know his name. They call him the Dark Man. I've never seen him. Nobody knows who he is but that he scares the piss out of anybody he talks to. They never see his face, just the black hooded coat-thing he wears."

Intriguing. "You don't see his face? Does he wear a mask?" I ask.

"I don't know. I've never seen him. One of them would know," he answers, pointing at the two unconscious grunts. I make a note to question one of them when I'm done with this loser.

"Why are you here?"

His shaking increases as he responds, "I-I-I was brought along to open the door. I don't know anything else! Really, I don't!"

"I hate it when you lie," I tell him. His eyes widen in fear as he starts to glance feverishly between the door, the unconscious thugs on the floor and me. He knows I could kill him with my bare hands.

I'm considering it, really. Today has turned to shit much faster than I'd like.

I reach into my jacket and pull out my potion kit, picking out the Veritaserum with practiced ease. "Now we'll try it my way," I tell him. "Open up. This is tasteless and totally harmless." 

He shakes his head in fear. I sigh. A twitch of the wrist and he is under Imperius. I force him to open his mouth. Three drops should be enough. I let him sit under Imperius for a few minutes while I wait for the Veritaserum to take effect. Seeing his eyes glaze over, I release him from the curse.

Just when I thought he couldn't get any more fearful, the scent of human excrement hits my nose.

"Christ man!" I exclaim, "Can't you maintain your goddamn bodily functions for a few minutes while I question you? I have no intention of harming you."

He relaxes a moment before answering, "I can't help it and I'm scared. I've never been this scared in my life."

Of course. I've asked him a question and the potion has forced him to answer. I sigh again, feeling the tension start to drain away from my shoulders. I relax further, keeping my eyes on the unconscious grunts. I can't let my guard down. Veritaserum alone wouldn't get me all the answers if the subject were too nervous to be coherent. It's time to explain what is happening to him.

"The stuff I just put in your mouth is a truth serum of sorts. I was able to control you through magic. No, don't ask. Magic is real and I'm a Wizard and no, you won't remember any of this because I'll erase your memories when I'm done with you."

He starts to shake a bit more visibly. I guess I'll have to continue just like this.

"Whatever. If you can't relax, I'll just have to proceed. As I'm sure you're aware, the truth potion - yes, it IS a potion and STOP FUCKING WHIMPERING. You're annoying me. The truth potion has taken effect and you will be compelled to answer my questions truthfully. Whom are you working for?"

He appears to relax a bit as the potion finalizes its hold on him. "I'm working for him," he says pointing to the thug previously with Uzi. "They're working for the Dark Man."

"That's better. You're relaxing. Why are you here?"

"I was hired to pick the locks. I'm one of the best burglars in the area. They never told me what would happen after I picked the locks."

Okay, so he really doesn't know anything. A few other questions nag at me though.

"Do you know who I am?"

"No."

"Good," I respond as I reach into my kit and pull out a vial of the Veritaserum antidote. "This is the antidote. Open up and stick out your tongue." 

This time he does exactly as I ask. Good boy, quick learner.

"This antidote should be effective in a few moments, but before I let you go there's one more thing I need to do." He whimpers at me again. "Oh no, it's nothing painful. _Obliviate!_"

His eyes glaze over as the memory charm does its work. I help him up and guide him to the door. "You can't remember what you were looking for and you certainly haven't found it here. I'd suggest you head out of town for a few days. Try Chicago. Yes, I definitely think you'll find your next job in Chicago. In fact, your decision to stop robbing and picking locks is a good one. Going legit is a VERY honorable thing to do."

He shakes my hand and thanks me, smiling. I watch as he boards the elevator before I turn my attention to the two thugs sprawled out on my living area floor.

Hmm. How to go about this? The idea hits me, and with a thought and a wave, I cast a binding charm on the both of them. It wouldn't do for me to get stabbed or shot after I ennervate them.

I roll the first thug over. Yup, he was awake. I can see the anger in his eyes. I pry open his mouth and drop three drops of the Veritaserum onto his tongue. I repeat the same with thug two. A very subtle flick and swish of my hand and they lift up from the floor and land not too softly in the armchairs. I can see in their faces that the potion is taking effect.

Turning to the first thug I ask, "Who are you working for?"

He frowns at me as he answers, "I work for the Dark Man."

"Why were you sent here?"

"To help you re-evaluate your decision to decline his latest offer. You really pissed him off."

The recognition hits me, followed by my promise to kill anybody the Boss sent my way. Unfortunately, my conscience has decided it wants to intervene. Dammit! It looks like these guys may get to live for a bit longer.

"Ah, thugs for the bossman. Well, I'd promised that I'd kill anybody he sent after me, but you're in luck. Today I have a conscience. It's on sale, even! Two for the price of one!" I smile at the thug. He's looking at me as if I've grown a second head. Hell, for all intents and purposes I have.

"Who is this Dark Man? Have you met him? What does he look like?"

His face starts to contort as the potion tries to answer all three questions at once, "I don't know, he's just the Dark Man. Yes I've met him. He wears a funny dark robe-thing and a white mask. His features are completely hidden, I couldn't even tell you the color of his eyes."

Shit. A death eater, had Malfoy been followed?

"Do you know my name?"

"You are Harry Potter."

All my work over the last three years since I arrived in the United States has just officially pissed itself down the goddamned drain. I can feel my anger rising within me. Time to get rid of the thugs. With a harsh jerk of my hand I shout, _"OBLIVIATE!"_ Both men blink several times. The spell has taken effect.

I pick up the Uzi, remove the clip and clear the chamber. This will make a perfect portkey. I'm not about to let these fucks walk out of this building. I cast Imperius on the both of them and have them hold the weapon.

_"Portus!"_ The portkey activates and the two thugs disappear. I laugh as I release the Imperius. They are so screwed. Too bad I won't see the look on the customs officer's face when two guys holding an Uzi suddenly appear next to the customs check stand in San Francisco International Airport. I'm so bad sometimes.

A voice comes from what was formerly my locked front door, "Impressive, Potter."

I whip around, throwing a dagger at the intruder. I make sure it stops with the point just millimeters from his heart. Who I saw made me see red.

Snape.

At that instant, the strongest memory charm I'd ever used failed and my mind was flooded with the memories of the worst day of my life. A day I never wanted to relive, a day that was influential in my decision to leave Hogwarts and try to get away from the magical world altogether.

The day they all laughed at me. Every last fucking one of them. And the teaching staff frowned on me. I lost 400 house points in one fell swoop. I lost the last two men I'd sought friendship with.

They manipulated me. I fell for it. I was baited into it. Malfoy was the mastermind, and Snape carried it out. It was a combination aphrodisiac, confundus potion, love potion and liquid imperius on top of the manipulation. I couldn't stop myself - I didn't want to in that instant - from walking up to the head table, lifting Snape out of his chair, pinning him to the wall, thrusting my tongue in his mouth and sticking my hand down his pants.

He'd pushed me away, but I came back for more. I couldn't help it. At that point in time, I'd wanted the man. I tried to crawl into his pants again.

Then it all went away. Just like that, the potion wore off and I realized what I'd been doing.

I scanned the room. Dumbledore was furious. Snape couldn't hide his laughter behind his scowl - he had enjoyed watching me make a fool of myself. The Slytherins were howling, unable to control themselves. The Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were laughing madly. The house I'd alienated myself from over the last term as I'd befriended Malfoy were pointing and laughing at me. Hermione looked shocked. Ron looked as happy as I'd ever seen him. Dean, Seamus and Neville were snickering.

"Why don't you finish what you started, Potter!" I heard Malfoy yell. "This has been MOST entertaining!"

As the reality of the situation sunk in, I saw red for Malfoy. Before I realized what I was doing, I had my wand out and started to cast the Cruciatus on that Slytherin motherfucker. I wanted him to suffer; I wanted him to die. I no longer cared.

_"CRUC--!"_ I yelled. The Great Hall fell silent as I stopped halfway into the spell. Everybody was shocked. The Boy-Who-Lived was going to cast an unforgivable. It wasn't supposed to happen.

"MISTER POTTER!" yelled the Headmaster. The look of fury in his eyes was horrible.

Before anybody else could react, I ran from the hall. I ran to Gryffindor Tower using every possible hidden passage and shortcut I knew. When I got to my dorm, I packed the rest of my crap haphazardly in my trunk. I knew I was going to be expelled. I wanted to be ready when Dumbledore came. Hedwig was in the owlery; I'd come back for her if I were ever allowed back. Or maybe she would come to me. I grabbed my broom and took one last look around the room that had been my home for the last seven years. It was the only place I'd ever felt like I belonged and now that was that was about to end. I shrunk my trunk and cast a weight reduction charm on it. I put that in my robes and grabbed my broom. I sat on the edge of my bed, waiting for the Headmaster to come in and reprimand or expel me.

He never came.

Neither did McGonagall. In fact, nobody came into the fifth-year dorm room for the next hour. Maybe they were going to expel me the next day? Eventually I decided that nobody was coming and why sit waiting when I could just sleep it off. I removed my trunk from my robes, re-enlarged it, and started to put things away. Then I got undressed, shut the curtains of my bed and went to sleep.

The next morning I woke up and made my decision. I was tired of all this bullshit. It seemed to me that the only reason I was still here was because this was where Dumbledore could control, manipulate and influence me. He didn't want to lose his precious weapon - the Boy-Who-Lived, the saviour of the Wizarding world. HAH! I'd pilfered my Gringotts key from somewhere a few days earlier and now was the time. I dressed in my muggle clothing, grabbed my wand and my key, and made my way out of the castle. I used the tunnel that came out under Zonko's, slipped out the door, and walked. I didn't know where I was going, but I'm sure it was better than anywhere in the Wizarding world.

Somewhere along the road, I passed out.

The next thing I knew I was being roused by the stranger who would become my mentor for the next three years. He let me know that had the perfect opportunity for me to turn my rage and hatred toward the Wizarding World into a profitable enterprise. I told him to fuck off, but he told me I had no choice. I tried to get away from him several times over the next six months, but failed every time.

With each failure, my training became more intense and the consequences for non-participation were more dreadful than the Cruciatus.

Somewhere in the following two and a half years, I decided I wanted to forget that incident at Hogwarts completely. With my mentor's help, I erected the memory charms that would help me forget.

Those same memory charms had just been broken.

Snape just sneered at me past the dagger that was only millimeters from his heart. He plucked the dagger from the air and spoke, "You should know my tracking charms by now Potter. And never trust a Malfoy. Oh, and your Grandfather wants you to come home."

The red got darker. My energy and my anger crackled around me.

"You tell Dumbledore if he wants me to come pay for my sins, for attempting an unforgivable, he'll need to bring me in himself," I growled.

Snape sighed as he continued, "He also informed me that he's forgiven you. There never were any charges filed against you, Potter."

My anger turned to pain as I felt the first of the teardrops start to cloud my vision. It couldn't be. I couldn't go back. My anger flared up again. "FUCK YOU," I yelled, "You're lying!"

With an angry incantation and a sharp jab of my open palm, I banished Snape back to Hogwarts.

Then I fell to my knees. I could no longer hold it in. Everything I knew had been ruined and yet that was still a lie. I buried my head in my hands as the tears rained down. The shame was too great, my anger too vast.

And at that moment, the worst possible thing that could have happened, did.

"Bloody hell, Potter! Did you really need to kick me in the head? This bruise fucking HURTS and it's very unbecoming of me." Malfoy had ambled into the living room.

Before I had time to think and before Malfoy had time to react, I'd thrown another dagger. This one didn't stop.

It pierced his heart.

He fell to the floor, gasping. I stood and walked over to him. I spoke the first words that came to my mind, "You'll never laugh at me again, Malfoy!"

The pain and confusion ruined his face until he realized what I was talking about. He coughed, his breaths ragged. He looked me in the eyes as he uttered, "The Weasel planned it, Potter."

I remembered how happy Ron had looked when I made a fool of myself that day. Could it be true? Malfoy hadn't lied to me since he got here. His face spoke the truth. Oh god. Oh no. What have I done?

Another gasp. Malfoy was dying. "The Dark Lord ordered him, Potter." He gasped again, trying to explain. "He took the mark that Christmas."

"NO!" I screamed. I didn't want to believe it; I didn't want it to be true. Malfoys eyes told me otherwise.

Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god. Malfoy was innocent. I started fumbling with my potion kit, looking for the healing potion. I poured it directly on the wound after pulling the dagger out. The wound started to close, but Malfoys heart was stopped. He breathed two more words to me as I got out tried to find my Draught of Living Death, "I'm sorry." The potion took effect almost immediately, but his wound reopened. I dug desperately for another healing potion. The only one I had left was the strongest one I'd ever brewed. Again, I poured the potion directly onto the wound.

I wasn't sure what else to do. I rushed to the kitchen and grabbed a notepad and pen. I wrote a quick message and made two duplicates. I cast a portkey charm on them apparated one each to Snape, Dumbledore and Pomfrey. The note said simply, "Please come quickly, I've done something stupid. It's a medical emergency."

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Review Responses:  
**pistaccio pudding**: Thanks! It started out as a relentless plot bunny and grew from there. I can't take *ALL* the credit for the grammar, spelling, etc., 'cuz my beta is even more anal than I am. (Thanks, Taligator!)  
**SandiBebop**: *swoon!* Flattery will get you EVERYWHERE. ;) Thanks! I hope to continue to maintain the standard. :)  
Also, thanks to BlackDiva, riantlykalopsic, and Lady Mandara Snake for their reviews, too. :)  
  



	5. Chapter 5

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter, that's JK Rowling's creation. 

NOTE: Thanks to everyone who reviewed! :) Responses to the current reviews will accompany the next chapter.

So, my muse went on vacation shortly after pushing chapter 4 up. Part of the problem was figuring out how to go about writing parts of this chapter. I think I've gotten it down now though and have laid the foundation for more exciting bits to come. Thanks for sticking around so long and please enjoy this newest chapter. :)

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**As I See It - Chapter 5**

----

It must have been quite a shocker to say the least when the three Hogwarts Staff members portkeyed into my loft. For all they knew, there was a dark-furred creature with its' fangs bared leaning over the unconscious form of Draco Malfoy as if to strike. The head was something of a cross between a human and a wolf - a short snout, slightly pointed ears, black lips, red gums, and unnaturally sharp canine teeth. The silvery eyes gave off an eerie glow, the cat-like pupils open wide in the dim light as the creature's head turned toward them. The expression flickered from menacing - deep in concentration - to surprise as it registered the intruders. The surprise disappeared as quickly as it came, replaced by a faintly-human expression of relief.

Then all hell broke loose.

I had no idea how my appearance had changed since I unlocked the power I'd gained when I'd completed my training. As far as I was concerned, colors had become brighter, noises louder, and scents stronger.

In the heartbeat it took me to recognize my intruders, I sensed an attack.

As quickly as I could I conjured a shield to absorb the first attack as my instincts kicked into gear.

I dodged to the side and sprang at my attacker - the man on the left. I knocked his wand out of his hand as I crashed into his chest, sending us both sprawling over the furniture. Before we stopped rolling I'd already stupefied him and cast bonds at the two remaining intruders. The man blocked my curse, but the woman was caught.

As I got back to my feet my rational senses kicked in and told me who these intruders were.

"Albus! Stop!" I shouted as I regained my footing.

My voice sounded different - raspy, throaty, with a guttural growl to it. I was slightly taken aback, but would not let my guard down out of habit. The wizard opposite me had a look of astonishment on his face, but did not lower his wand.

"Who are you and why did you attack Mister Malfoy?" he asked.

I cocked my head to the side in confusion and brought a clawed hand to my head to scratch my head. When it passed my face I saw what they were looking at.

My response must have come straight out of some cheesy Hollywood B-movie, "Holy crap! What the fuck...??"

I stared at my hand. The fingers were slightly longer, ending in dark gray - almost black claws. They were very sharp, as were my teeth, which I found out as I bit my lip trying to think. I gave a small yip as I tasted the blood on my tongue. I touched my lip and pulled away a bloody finger. A quick lick of my tongue and the bleeding stopped. My head was swimming as memories suddenly surfaced. This was the gift I was given by my Mentor?

I looked back up at Albus, who was staring at me impatiently. He was waiting for an answer.

"Albus, it's me. Harry," I started. The look on his face showed his doubt.

I answered his unasked question, "I don't have time to explain. Malfoy needs immediate medical attention!" With a quick flick of my hand I released the ropes binding Poppy and cast a silent enervate on Severus. "He doesn't have much time. His life thread is almost gone. Please help!"

The Potions Master and Mediwitch immediately rushed to Malfoy and started working in concert. They worked quickly and efficiently to heal his wound and stabilize him. They accomplished in about thirty seconds what I could not in the past two hours.

"He's stable for the time being," Madam Pomfrey announced. "I need to get him to the Hospital Wing immediately for further treatment and observation though, Headmaster."

"Use the note I sent," I responded. "It will take you three straight there." She nodded. Poppy held Draco's hand to the parchment as well as her own. As soon as Snape touched it they were gone.

I turned to Albus. "Thank you, sir. You may go now."

He looked at me with sad eyes, their usual twinkle gone. "I'd like an explanation."

This did not make me happy. I really wanted the old man gone. I'd had enough excitement for one day and all I wanted to do was sit down and relax. After that I'd go check up on Draco, just to soothe my conscience. I motioned for the Hogwarts Headmaster to have a seat as I sat down opposite him.

I closed my eyes and concentrated, reigning back in the power, reverting back to human form. Avoiding eye contact with the old man, I began my tale.

~~~~

The sadness coming off me was tangible, the grief visible. The potion had taken effect, but he was barely alive. I grabbed his hand as I knelt over him. I begged him to please not die on me. I knew we were enemies in school, but Merlin, I'd do anything for him now. I never wanted to hurt another innocent.

"Please don't die on me Malfoy, hold on."

It became a mantra. The minutes ticked away. Still nobody showed up. For the first time since I left Hogwarts, I felt fear. Why did I have to end up becoming a killer when I could have become a healer or an Auror? I guess it seemed like a good idea at the time. All I wanted then was revenge.

The faint thread Malfoy was hanging on by was stretching thinner. If the others didn't show up soon, I was going to have to take drastic measures. I could help him, but it would cost me my life, just as it cost my mentor.

I reached within me and found the power I'd gained when I took my mentor's place. I could let the other parts of me take hold for the first time since that ritual.

You see, the final piece I needed in grafting my wand to my hand was the bonding ritual my mentor had told me about. He never elaborated on it until he'd decided that I had finally learned all he could teach me. The details of the ritual put simply: there was to be an exchange of power, in two parts. I thought it would go two ways. I was wrong.

The ritual was fairly simple really. We knelt across from each other in a meditation posture. Knees touching, toes pointed back, with the top of the foot flat on the ground. The hips were relaxed and the back was up straight.

It started with a joint meditation, something we've done many times before. This was how we usually started our training sessions. We'd sit and meditate until our breathing, our heartbeats, and our thoughts were synchronized. Instead of slowly standing up from the kneeling and beginning our warm-up Kata, we stayed on the ground. Leaning slightly forward, we let our left hand touch the right shoulder and right hand on the left temple. 

From here we started the knowledge transfer.

It started slowly, images of training sessions past, watching my regressions from expert to novice to awkward, angst-ridden teen training against his will. I watched as my mentor observed me during my years at Hogwarts. I saw the jobs he took from time to time. The outsider's view of my early childhood was rather interesting; the anger that ran through my mentor's head as he saw the abuse I grew accustomed to.

I saw as he learned before I was born that I was to be his successor . I lived the anger he felt to his superiors. 'Why should I train an unknown wizard who hasn't even been born yet?'

The images and knowledge came faster. I leaned the techniques he'd learned over the years. His own mentor having this same ritual, the flood of knowledge that was passed to him.

It started coming clearer as the ritual went on. I was gaining not only his memories, but the memories of his mentor and his mentor's mentor. I gained the memories and knowledge of eight prior generations of mentorship going back two thousand years!

I started in disbelief at the knowledge I was learning. Amidst all this knowledge I learned exactly how this ritual worked. But by this time, I was thirsting for more. The flow of information was a drug and I started to actively seek out more and more knowledge.

I saw the blood-letting that was required for the transfusion of power between the mentor and the student. I learned that it was the end of the line for the mentor. Like his mentor before him, my mentor was ready to end his life to further the knowledge and power of this line.

I knew what was to come next - my mentor would release his power and transform into his natural non-human form. I was too enthralled in the assimilation of knowledge to pay attention. I was oblivious as we fell into an embrace, I wanted to live this moment to its' fullest. There was an intimacy being shared I'd never experienced before - either on a physical level or an emotional level.

I never felt his fangs pierce my neck. The final part of the ritual had begun.

As my blood was being drained I slowly became more aware of the world around me. The dancing of the candlelight on the walls of the training room, the faint whisper of the flames and they consumed the wicks. The rustling of my clothing under the hands of my mentor. The slight sucking sound as he drank in my life-force, merging his own magical force with mine.

By the time he laid me flat on the floor I was barely conscious, but still aware. I heard the distinctive snick of the blade I made for him for Christmas the year before. I could almost feel as the point cut into the skin of his left index finger. I could smell the blood as it welled up, waiting to drop onto my lips and into my mouth.

One drop was all it took.

One drop of his blood on my tongue and the thirst awakened.

I felt my body being torn apart from the inside out as our combined magic started to make its' way back into me, revitalizing and remaking my body.

The transformation started out painlessly - the magic working its' way through my being, interacting with my very soul. When it started manipulating my consciousness the pain started. By the time my physical self started changing on a molecular level, the pain was acute. With each passing moment it grew steadily.

When the physical changes were done I took in a deep breath and screamed!

The release that afforded me energized me.

My eyes opened and I was HUNGRY. I gazed around me and saw my mentor watching me. He tilted his head to the side in a gesture of submission.

In an instant I was upon him.

The fangs I'd developed pierced the flesh of his neck and I moaned as I tasted the lifeblood springing forth from the wound. I drank in, knowing I was receiving the greatest gift of knowledge and power my mentor could ever give me. The blood I drank was the combination of my former blood and his, mixed to give me the greatest possible power.

I drank until there was nothing left.

My mentor was dead.

...And I was drunk with lust. I could feel the power coursing through my veins with every beat of my newly-awakened heart. I could feel the last physical change begin.

It was a pain I was not prepared for.

I felt as if every nerve of my body was on fire. I felt my muscles grow, the bones fortify, my skin became a fine dark fur all over my body. I felt my jaw change shape slightly to resemble a canine snout. My teeth grew slightly larger and much sharper. My ears became slightly pointed and my eyes changed. I became aware of more sounds and my vision got sharper in the dim light.

I was no longer human.

That realization came crashing down on me and I let forth a howl that would give children in the nearby neighborhood nightmares for years to come. Their parents would have a difficult time sleeping for days after.

The euphoria brought about by the infusion of knowledge and power gave way to anger as I realized my mentor - the man I'd grown to know and love over the past three years - was now dead.

I knew he gave himself willingly but I still blamed myself for not being able to stop. It's that knowledge you have after the fact that you had no control over the situation, but the 'what if?' haunted you.

I picked up the lifeless corpse of my mentor and cradled him to my chest as I let loose a torrent of tears unlike any since I lost Sirius, Remus, and Hagrid.

The candles had long since burned out when I'd finally let my tears run dry. I had cried through the night. I gently set my mentor down and slowly stood up, wincing as the tired muscles let me know how long they'd been unused in that position.

As I stood, the memories of the bonding rituals long past came to the forefront of my mind, and let me know that I needed to properly dispose of the body.

My mentor had long since been classified as dead. From the memories I now held, I could tell that he had been four hundred, seventy-five years old. I could recall the day he was officially declared dead, just after his forty-fifth birthday.

That was when his mentor took him on.

He trained for thirty years. His mentor had trained for twenty eight. The mentor before that was a non-human to begin with and only needed ten years of training. Why was I finished with my training in only three?

I took a deep breath as I again knelt before the body of my mentor. With a sad sigh I began the ritual that would take his body on to the next plane. It was short, and when I was done I watched as a mist surrounded and consumed his body. All that remained was the dagger I'd given him, the one he used in our bonding ritual.

As the body disappeared I felt my human side regain control, and the magic sealing itself away. The transformation back to human was painless, and I vowed never to use it until it was time for me to make the transition.

~~~~

I sighed as I lifted my head up and looked to Albus. The anger I'd had when he demanded the explanation had long since dissipated. His gaze was still sad, the twinkle still gone from his eyes. But there was an understanding showing on his face that I'd never seen before. For the first time somebody had experienced something he'd never encountered. A small smile made its' way across his lips as he said the first words since I started, "Thank you."

With another sigh I responded, "I think it's time for me to come home."

----


End file.
